I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
