if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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