I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
