he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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