we're chasing vodka with high fives
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
