She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
