im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
