Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
