Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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