like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
