took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is my gift to your gina
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize