I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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