I think I died a long time ago.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
