He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
