I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
