apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
