Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Houston, we have a squirter
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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