dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
