you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
