If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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