the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
