you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
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all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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