the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
