Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize