Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
