Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
