so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
