Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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