I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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