My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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