I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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