The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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