Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
