Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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