i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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