once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
