He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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