All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass