i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
