I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.