the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.