i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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