you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
