I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize