I just cut my nipple shaving
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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