i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
