I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm passing your future prison.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
