My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
