I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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