hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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