just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
