It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
