Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
