She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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