Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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