If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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