Sponge bath it is.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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