and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
