white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
