Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
