do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
