Don't EVER smell your tampon
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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