some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is the high leading the old right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
