I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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