just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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