On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's the barista slut.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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