Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize